Things happen for a reason

3 days ago, I found out that my pregnancy was non-viable. I saw my doctor and she referred me to get another ultrasound. Since I had most of the symptoms that a pregnant woman usually has, she wasn't worried that something was wrong.

I got my ultrasound and I already knew something was wrong when I saw the look on the doctor's face. She called her superior and they were saying a lot of medical jargon I couldn't really understand. They called my husband in and told us that they couldn't find a yolk sac anymore and there was no embryo. Furthermore, they also saw cobweb-like echoes, which they are suspecting to be the beginnings of a molar pregnancy. At this point, I was trying my best to hold my tears back.

Molar pregnancy? I absolutely had no clue what that was. I called my OB-GYN and she immediately came to check on my ultrasound. She went out and explained to me that she suspects a molar pregnancy as well and she told me that the sac would have to be evacuated right away. It took some time for me to digest this information. We thought we would be having a baby but I just had my heart broken in such a way that I've never experienced before. She gave me a brief background as to what a molar pregnancy was and told me that after the D&C, we would need to wait a year before we try to conceive again as the chances of having another molar pregnancy would be quite high for me. That's when I broke down in tears. I started my TTC journey when I was about 27. I didn't think it would take such a long time before I would get pregnant. And now, we had to wait another year to try again. I would be 33 next year. My doctor comforted me and said it's still wasn't too late.

The past few months literally have been a rollercoaster of emotions for me. I went from happy to disappointed, then happy and now I'm truly devastated. Although I haven't completely accepted the fact that we will have one miscarriage after my D&C, I know that this happened because God only wants the best for me. And that He has a plan for me. I may not understand it now, but I'm constantly praying that one day, I will.