Acceptance and letting go

I had a D&C done 2 days before Christmas. It would be the first Christmas eve I would have to spend in the hospital since my doctor requires me to stay overnight. It would be my very first time to be admitted for a night. But it had to be done.

My cervix was still closed despite taking primrose oil for 5 nights. They gave me spinal anesthesia and I was awake and shivering the entire time. And it was finally done. I was no longer pregnant. My doctor showed me a photo of the specimen and told me that it wasn't a molar pregnancy after all. It was an anembryonic pregnancy or blighted ovum. I was relieved. That meant that we could try again in a couple of months. We didn't have to wait an entire year.

I expected that I would break down after the procedure but I didn't. I'm lucky I have such a supportive husband. He really is my rock. I remember the night we found out about the nonviable pregnancy. We were walking in the hospital's parking lot and I just burst into tears. I couldn't hold it any longer. My husband was there to pick me up and tell me that everything was going to be alright. Perhaps the reason why I didn't cry so much after the procedure was I knew that because everything was going to be okay.

Life hasn't exactly gone back to normal for me. I can't go back to work just yet because I have a traditional Chinese mother-in-law and she wants me to undergo po ge lai or zuo yue zi although I've had a miscarriage. She says this is for my own health. So there. I have mixed feelings about IVF after everything I have gone through. But who knows? My goal for 2015 is to be a lot more healthier, lose some weight, produce better quality eggs and hopefully become pregnant again. :)

Things happen for a reason

3 days ago, I found out that my pregnancy was non-viable. I saw my doctor and she referred me to get another ultrasound. Since I had most of the symptoms that a pregnant woman usually has, she wasn't worried that something was wrong.

I got my ultrasound and I already knew something was wrong when I saw the look on the doctor's face. She called her superior and they were saying a lot of medical jargon I couldn't really understand. They called my husband in and told us that they couldn't find a yolk sac anymore and there was no embryo. Furthermore, they also saw cobweb-like echoes, which they are suspecting to be the beginnings of a molar pregnancy. At this point, I was trying my best to hold my tears back.

Molar pregnancy? I absolutely had no clue what that was. I called my OB-GYN and she immediately came to check on my ultrasound. She went out and explained to me that she suspects a molar pregnancy as well and she told me that the sac would have to be evacuated right away. It took some time for me to digest this information. We thought we would be having a baby but I just had my heart broken in such a way that I've never experienced before. She gave me a brief background as to what a molar pregnancy was and told me that after the D&C, we would need to wait a year before we try to conceive again as the chances of having another molar pregnancy would be quite high for me. That's when I broke down in tears. I started my TTC journey when I was about 27. I didn't think it would take such a long time before I would get pregnant. And now, we had to wait another year to try again. I would be 33 next year. My doctor comforted me and said it's still wasn't too late.

The past few months literally have been a rollercoaster of emotions for me. I went from happy to disappointed, then happy and now I'm truly devastated. Although I haven't completely accepted the fact that we will have one miscarriage after my D&C, I know that this happened because God only wants the best for me. And that He has a plan for me. I may not understand it now, but I'm constantly praying that one day, I will.

The first photo

I was supposed to have my ultrasound done last Monday, December 8 but because of the typhoon/tropical storm in the country, I decided to postpone it to December 10.

I've always thought that once I got a positive pregnancy test, everything else will be easy and that the baby will surely come along. But there I was outside the Women's Health Center, nervously waiting for my name to be called for my ultrasound. I've gotten so far only to fail but then, there it was. The very first image of our soon-to-be baby. And everything in the world was alright again. :)

I think I'm about 5 weeks and 5 days so as expected, no heartbeat yet and no fetal pole. We were only able to see the gestational sac and the yolk sac, which was what my doctor expected. We will do another ultrasound in 10 days. We hope to see a heartbeat then. :)

All I can say is God is good. :)

My Beta HCG Result

I went to the hospital early in the morning and had my blood drawn. My appointment with my doctor was going to be the day after my blood test since it was on a Sunday. I was nervous but very hopeful. I was waiting expectantly. That was the message at church 2 Sundays ago. To walk by faith and wait expectantly.

That afternoon, I was able to check the result online and guess what? I'm pregnant! My Beta HCG turned out to be 125.30 mIU/mL. I cried because this was what I had been praying for. I told my husband and we both cried! We have been waiting for 5 years for this to happen. I was overcome with joy and gratefulness. Lord, you are so, so good. I know I did it the other way around but it was going to be the first time for me to see 2 lines on a home pregnancy test.

Had my second Beta HCG test today and it was at 460.50 mIU/mL. I have a long way to go and I'm getting my first ultrasound next week. Praying that my little apple seed is sleeping safely in my uterus. :)

My eggs and some detours

I haven't updated my blog in a while because admittedly, I was a little reluctant to share my progress in my IVF journey. It hasn't been an easy ride, after all. And I was terrified of failing again. Ok, let me start from my ovum pickup.

Before the ovum pickup, I was thinking that there would be around 4 mature eggs that could make it. I know, that's not much, but I thought to myself that it only takes 1 good egg to make a baby. I thought the ovum pickup would be scary. As I lay on the bed in the OR, I remember calming myself down, and just trying to relax. I didn't even realize that I had passed out already. I woke up in the recovery room around 2 hours later. They let my aunt and mom in and let me change into my clothes. I went to the IVF room on the 6th floor after and asked how many eggs were retrieved. They told me that Dr. Lee was able to retrieve 8 eggs, but that only 1 was mature. My heart sank. 1 mature egg. I tried to be optimistic but it was hard.

The following day, I called the IVF lab to check on the eggs and how many had been fertilized. I was told that there were 2 more eggs that were fertilized. I had a total of 3 eggs now. My mom was there to cheer me up. Again, I just needed 1 good egg, but God was gracious enough to give me 3 fertilized eggs, and that was enough. :)

2 days after the ovum pickup, I called the IVF lab and was told that I had to come in the following day for my embryo transfer. They were doing a 3 day transfer, which meant that the quality of the embryos were not very good. I came in at 10am the following day for my embryo transfer. They explained to me that my embryos were a little out of sync in terms of their growth and that 2 embryos divided very early and the other one had about 50% fragmentation while the other ones had 40%. 2 were Grade 5 and 1 was Grade 6 so they were transferring all 3 embryos. I asked Dr. Lee if there was still a possibility of pregnancy and he assured me that although the chance of getting pregnant is decreased, it was still possible.

The next few days, I took it easy. I watched TV all day and just walked out of the apartment to eat or buy food. The wait was nerve-wracking. I was leaving Taipei on November 27, and was asked to drop by Mackay to get a letter that Dr. Lee has prepared for my doctor in Manila before my flight. I was going to do my HCG test in Manila on November 30. I was tempted to buy a home pregnancy test before November 30 but I knew that God wanted me to wait. So wait, I did.

My second attempt

Haven't been able to update this blog for a while but I'd like to share that I'm back in Taipei and I'm officially scheduled for Ovum Pickup this coming Sunday. This particular cycle wasn't exactly a smooth ride. I hit a few bumps on the road, just like my first IVF attempt. This time though, it seems that things are looking up.:)

I was on the Lupron agonist protocol this time around, which meant I started doing my Lupron injections on myself since Day 18 or the previous cycle. I had my last injection today, which was my 29th self injection of Lupron. Yes, 29th! Isn't that crazy? Not to mention I had to have 2 other injections for this IVF cycle, which were Menopur and Puregon. 3 injections everyday for 14 days now. I leave it up to your imagination as to how my tummy currently looks like after all those injections. :))

Doing my trigger shot tonight and I'm quite nervous about Sunday. Hopefully, by God's grace, everything will be ok. :)

IVF COST

The table below shows the cost we incurred during our stay. This doesn't include food and transportation. Since we didn't actually go through with the IVF, this is only until Day 17 of my last menstrual period. Please take note also that I was under Protocol 4 and only had 1 dose of Pergoveris a day.

Mackay Memorial Hospital

It's not exactly a new hospital. I remember the first time I walked in. There was just sooo many people walking around. Memories of 3-hour wait for my OB Gyne back in Manila flashed back before me. Surprisingly, everything really is efficient inside Mackay. In almost all the procedures that you need to be done, you just simply take a number and wait for your number to be called. This was the case for my daily injections. I was also pleasantly surprised that the doctors, including Dr. Lee, are always on time and start seeing their patients right away. Not that I hate doctors in Manila. And I don't want to generalize, but most of them are late all the time.

Back to injections. I had first asked Lisa, one of the staff under Dr. Lee, if I could just do the injections myself. She told me that it would be better if I had my injections done in the hospital daily. This wasn't a problem. When having your injection done, just look for the Injection Room by following the blue line on the floor from the lobby. It will take you directly to the Injection Room. Once you're there, just get a number, wait for your turn, present your passport, injection slip and meds and that's it. Don't forget to bring some ice with you for your medicine. Don't worry, they usually give you some ice the first time you get your medicine. I just kept the bag and froze it so I could reuse. You could ask for it if they don't automatically give you some. :)

I noticed that there's a lot more people getting injections in the morning than in the afternoon. On Sundays, you have to get your injections done at the Emergency Room. Just go inside the emergency room, walk a few steps and you'll notice there's a room to your right with a sign that says 'Adult Treatment Area.' Just hand your injection slip, passport and medicine to the nurse and they will know what to do. 

My daily injection

Injection room

As for ultrasounds, I've noticed that this was the thing that I had to have patience for the most. The ultrasound room is located on the second floor, the same area where Dr. Lee's office is located. Just go straight from the escalator and it's the last door to your right. There's no machine for numbers at the ultrasound room so you need to knock softly, open the door and hand your ultrasound slip and the form from Dr. Lee. They'll stamp your ultrasound slip with a number and also give you a piece of paper with that number, and ask you to wait outside for your turn. I usually have to wait 30 minutes to an hour before my number is called but the nice thing about this is that they will write down your follicle sizes on the form and give it to you in a couple of minutes. No need to wait an hour just to get your ultrasound result. 

Ultrasound room

For E2 blood tests, you need to go to the Nuclear Medicine room on the 4th floor. Same building as Dr. Lee's office. You may take the elevator and it's right by the elevator, if I'm not mistaken. Dr. Lee would usually ask his patients to take the E2 blood test before 8:30am. Since it opens at 8am, you only have 30 minutes to take the test. We usually have our breakfast at Starbucks near the hospital before doing the blood test, just to make sure that we don't come in late for it. Unfortunately, I forgot to take pictures of the Nuclear Medicine room. 

Those are pretty much the rooms that I had to familiarize myself while I was in Taipei. Of course, since our IVF was cancelled, I didn't get to see the delivery room and I didn't get to spend a lot of time in the IVF room. Annie will tour you around on your first day and you can always give her a call for any questions. I found that she answers her phone within the first or second ring, and she's super helpful. 

This is not the end

2 days before my supposed ovum pickup, I came in for another consultation. I had my blood test and ultrasound done before I saw Dr. Lee.

I just knew that something was wrong when I saw Dr. Lee's expression when he saw my E2 test result. As he explained that my E2 had dropped significantly, I felt like crying. He told me that having low estradiol meant that my follicles were no longer developing properly and that they are not of good quality. It wouldn't make any sense to continue with the IVF and that we should try again next time.

I couldn't believe it. We had been in Taipei for 3 weeks only to have our IVF cancelled. It was heartbreaking. Tears fell down as soon as we stepped out of the clinic. I just couldn't help it. I felt like a failure. I had endured the daily injection and the daily commute to the hospital for 15 straight days, only to be told that we should go home.

I'm the type of person who doesn't dwell on negativity. Although this was definitely hard for me and my husband, I know that God has a plan for us. We will come back to Taipei better and a lot more ready. With God's grace, I know that we will become parents in His perfect time. This is not the end.

Think positive

I saw Dr. Lee today and I was told that it seems that only 2 follicles would reach the appropriate size. I was given 2 doses of Menopur, instead of my usual Pergoveris today. We're hoping that my follicles grow a lot bigger tomorrow.

There's really nothing I can do about it now except to pray. I don't want to feel depressed and I want to think positively, but it has been a hard couple of hours for me.

Nanjing Park Suites

Most of the Filipinos who come to Mackay for their IVF treatment stay at KT Star, mainly because of its proximity to Mackay. That was also my first choice. Unfortunately, the room that we wanted was no longer available at the time that we're supposed to stay in Taiwan. I was offered a much bigger suite but it was way outside our budget.

I searched and searched and searched to find the perfect room for us that would be quite similar to KT Star and would offer the same amenities. My search led me to airbnb, where I found Nanjing Park Suites. Nanjing Park Suites is definitely not within walking distance to Mackay. It is, however, really close to the MRT station, Songjiang Nanjing, which made it a pretty great option for us. It would take us approximately 20 minutes to get to Mackay. I figured it would also take around the same time to walk from KT Star to Mackay, so the travel time really isn't that bad. The only difference is, we didn't have to walk under the seriously scorching Taipei heat only to get to the hospital completely drenched in sweat. No, thanks! :)

Anyway, it's a small room but it's good enough for 2 people. It has a small kitchen, refrigerator, washing machine and pretty much everything else you need for a month's stay. The nicest thing about this room is the bathroom! We actually have a steamer! Never mind that I've only used it once but I have to admit that it is pretty awesome. :) There's also a swimming pool on the rooftop, which is open during the summer and a small gym on the 5th floor. :)

This is *almost* it

Had yet another ultrasound today and Dr. Lee asked me to have a blood test to check my Estradiol level. Upon googling, I found out that the Estradiol blood test is a way to find out if a woman is responding to fertility treatment.

I had to take the blood test before 8:30am because the result doesn't come out until 3 hours later. This means that Dr. Lee can still check the result before giving me the medications I would need for the next few days. Dr. Lee told me that the fertility treatment was working well and that my body was responding to the treatment. I breathe a huge sigh of relief upon hearing this. :) Dr. Lee also told me that since my follicles were growing steadily, I would need to take another shot that prevents my follicles/eggs from bursting, or at least that's what I understood out of the explanation.

Check out how my follicles grew from Day 3. This is a form that is given to you when you start having your IVF treatment. Every time you have a consultation with Dr. Lee and an ultrasound, you have to make sure that you bring this form.

Dr. Lee also told me that my ovum pickup will probably be on Wednesday or Thursday, depending on my ultrasound result when I see him again on Monday, August 4. This is it. I am both excited and really, really nervous. I hope I grow many beautiful eggs. :)

PCOS problems arise

I had my ultrasound on my 8th day and found that most of my follicles have grown bigger. In fact, there's more than 24 follicles in both ovaries. Dr. Lee tells me that this is a problem. He only needs about 8-10 eggs for ovum pickup. That's why he has to closely monitor the growth of my follicles, and I have to see him every other day now.

I thought that having a lot of follicles would be a good thing but I just realized that it really isn't.

Despite the challenges, I still try to be positive about it and not dwell on the terrible things that could possibly happen. I know that God is on my side and that He has a plan for me. :) I know that my husband and I are here in Taipei for the IVF but it helps that I also think of it as a long vacation and a chance for us to bond. :)

Ni Hao, Taipei!

Our flight was scheduled on a Sunday, July 20, which was Day 28. We had a morning schedule with Dr. Lee the following day but had to postpone it to Wednesday, July 23, which would be Day 3 of my period. The reason for the postponement is because I had to have my period when I see Dr. Lee and unfortunately, my period didn't arrive until Monday evening. I felt like we may have wasted 2 days in Taipei but it is what it is. 

Upon arriving in Mackay, I headed to Gabriel's desk and she asked me to go up to Dr. Lee's office. I was told to get an ultrasound first before my consultation, which I did. I have PCOS so seeing a few follicles was expected. 

Finally, it was my turn. Dr. Lee measured where my uterus was situated in preparation for the transfer and ovum pickup and explained that he was prescribing a medicine with 2 different ingredients to see how my ovaries would respond. He didn't want my ovaries to be over-stimulated, which is why I think I was given Pergoveris, instead of the usual Gonal-f or Menopur. They gave me a bunch of forms, which I took to Gabriel to pay, picked my injections, had my shots and I was done for the day. 

I have to go to Mackay everyday to have my shots but that's ok. :) I'm going back to Dr. Lee on Monday, July 28, to have another ultrasound and to see Dr. Lee again. Ovaries, please work with me. :)

Initial Consultation Cost

Sharing the total cost, more or less, of our initial consultation. Of course, the price could've been lower if we had stayed at a cheaper hotel and stayed for only 2 nights. We did save, however, on our plane tickets since I think we got promo fares from Cebu Pacific. The table below doesn't include meals. Surprisingly, I found eating out in Taipei quite cheap, especially if you buy food from eateries and at the night markets.

And so it begins

Today is Day 3 after getting my period. I'm supposed to start taking my pills on Day 5 and should be back in Taipei by Day 28. I'm just feeling really nervous about the IVF. What if it doesn't work? What if it does? What should I do in preparation for IVF?

Since I'm overweight, my OB here in Manila advised me to lose some weight before my IVF. Right now, I'm just limiting my food intake and have replaced white rice in brown rice. I'm also having acupuncture with Sister Regina Liu. I don't know if the acupuncture really helps with the infertility but I just want to be able to do as much as I can to help produce better and more eggs. 

I guess for now, I would need to do some research on how I should prepare my body for IVF. Wish me luck and baby dust to all! :)

Taiwan and Mackay Memorial Hospital

We got to Taipei around 1AM on a Tuesday evening. I had already arranged for hotel transfer since public transportation was no longer an option. We had an appointment scheduled on the same day that we were arriving so we rushed to the hotel and decided to call it a day. It's a good thing Via Loft Hotel had a 24-hour snack bar in case we felt hungry. :)

We had a 2pm appointment with Dr. Robert Lee that day. We went to the International Medical Services and met Annie and Mandy, who assisted us and toured us around the hospital. Soon after, we headed up to the 2nd floor to Dr. Lee's clinic. There was a short interview about my medical history with one of the assistants then I waited for my name to be called. There is a list of names posted near the door and the corresponding numbers. The number and name will be called and you will be permitted to wait inside for Dr. Lee to call your name along with other patients. My husband was not allowed to go into the room with me.

Behind this curtain, you would hear Dr. Lee to talking to patients.

I waited around 30 minutes for my name to be called. I just told him a few things about my infertility history and he did a quick examination on me. My husband was then called in to discuss our options for IVF and the timeline. He also discussed the laboratory exams we would need to take before I leave Taiwan. Some of the tests were Prolactin, AMH, Thyroid and Semen Analysis.

Annie assisted us through everything and I've never felt so relieved to be able to do everything maybe in about 2 hours. This includes the tests and an injection. My husband needed to submit his semen sample the following day as the Fertility Center only accepts samples until 12 in the afternoon.

This was my total bill for my initial consultation in Mackay. I think it's pretty reasonable.

It was a pretty good experience for a first-timer in Taiwan such as myself. Now, I'm just supposed to wait for my period to come until I start taking my pills and leave again for Taiwan before Day 28. Wish me luck! :)

Doing the IVF in Taiwan

Earlier this year, I was determined to have my IVF treatment done in the Philippines. Mainly because I thought it would be more convenient. I wouldn't have to spend a month away from work and stay in a strange place.

But then again, deciding to undergo an IVF treatment means spending a whole lot of money over a treatment that doesn't guarantee a 100% success rate. In fact, in the Philippines, the success rate is a little under 50%. If I'm going to spend that kind of money, I thought that I'd spend it on a hospital/doctor with a much better success rate. That's when I researched and I came across Mackay Memorial Hospital in Taipei, Taiwan. It also helped that a week before I was scheduled to leave for Taipei for my initial consultation, they held an IVF reunion in Makati Shangri-la to meet new patients and catch up on those who've already undergone treatment with them. I must say it was very inspirational to hear the stories first-hand. After attending that talk, I just knew that I had to take the opportunity to do it in Mackay.

My first post

I created this blog mainly to share the biggest step I have had to take in my journey through infertility. My husband and I have finally decided to undergo IVF in Taiwan. I am both excited and extremely terrified. My body would have to endure something I never thought I would have to do. In the end, though, I am 100% sure that it will all be worth it.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.