Things happen for a reason

3 days ago, I found out that my pregnancy was non-viable. I saw my doctor and she referred me to get another ultrasound. Since I had most of the symptoms that a pregnant woman usually has, she wasn't worried that something was wrong.

I got my ultrasound and I already knew something was wrong when I saw the look on the doctor's face. She called her superior and they were saying a lot of medical jargon I couldn't really understand. They called my husband in and told us that they couldn't find a yolk sac anymore and there was no embryo. Furthermore, they also saw cobweb-like echoes, which they are suspecting to be the beginnings of a molar pregnancy. At this point, I was trying my best to hold my tears back.

Molar pregnancy? I absolutely had no clue what that was. I called my OB-GYN and she immediately came to check on my ultrasound. She went out and explained to me that she suspects a molar pregnancy as well and she told me that the sac would have to be evacuated right away. It took some time for me to digest this information. We thought we would be having a baby but I just had my heart broken in such a way that I've never experienced before. She gave me a brief background as to what a molar pregnancy was and told me that after the D&C, we would need to wait a year before we try to conceive again as the chances of having another molar pregnancy would be quite high for me. That's when I broke down in tears. I started my TTC journey when I was about 27. I didn't think it would take such a long time before I would get pregnant. And now, we had to wait another year to try again. I would be 33 next year. My doctor comforted me and said it's still wasn't too late.

The past few months literally have been a rollercoaster of emotions for me. I went from happy to disappointed, then happy and now I'm truly devastated. Although I haven't completely accepted the fact that we will have one miscarriage after my D&C, I know that this happened because God only wants the best for me. And that He has a plan for me. I may not understand it now, but I'm constantly praying that one day, I will.

The first photo

I was supposed to have my ultrasound done last Monday, December 8 but because of the typhoon/tropical storm in the country, I decided to postpone it to December 10.

I've always thought that once I got a positive pregnancy test, everything else will be easy and that the baby will surely come along. But there I was outside the Women's Health Center, nervously waiting for my name to be called for my ultrasound. I've gotten so far only to fail but then, there it was. The very first image of our soon-to-be baby. And everything in the world was alright again. :)

I think I'm about 5 weeks and 5 days so as expected, no heartbeat yet and no fetal pole. We were only able to see the gestational sac and the yolk sac, which was what my doctor expected. We will do another ultrasound in 10 days. We hope to see a heartbeat then. :)

All I can say is God is good. :)

My Beta HCG Result

I went to the hospital early in the morning and had my blood drawn. My appointment with my doctor was going to be the day after my blood test since it was on a Sunday. I was nervous but very hopeful. I was waiting expectantly. That was the message at church 2 Sundays ago. To walk by faith and wait expectantly.

That afternoon, I was able to check the result online and guess what? I'm pregnant! My Beta HCG turned out to be 125.30 mIU/mL. I cried because this was what I had been praying for. I told my husband and we both cried! We have been waiting for 5 years for this to happen. I was overcome with joy and gratefulness. Lord, you are so, so good. I know I did it the other way around but it was going to be the first time for me to see 2 lines on a home pregnancy test.

Had my second Beta HCG test today and it was at 460.50 mIU/mL. I have a long way to go and I'm getting my first ultrasound next week. Praying that my little apple seed is sleeping safely in my uterus. :)

My eggs and some detours

I haven't updated my blog in a while because admittedly, I was a little reluctant to share my progress in my IVF journey. It hasn't been an easy ride, after all. And I was terrified of failing again. Ok, let me start from my ovum pickup.

Before the ovum pickup, I was thinking that there would be around 4 mature eggs that could make it. I know, that's not much, but I thought to myself that it only takes 1 good egg to make a baby. I thought the ovum pickup would be scary. As I lay on the bed in the OR, I remember calming myself down, and just trying to relax. I didn't even realize that I had passed out already. I woke up in the recovery room around 2 hours later. They let my aunt and mom in and let me change into my clothes. I went to the IVF room on the 6th floor after and asked how many eggs were retrieved. They told me that Dr. Lee was able to retrieve 8 eggs, but that only 1 was mature. My heart sank. 1 mature egg. I tried to be optimistic but it was hard.

The following day, I called the IVF lab to check on the eggs and how many had been fertilized. I was told that there were 2 more eggs that were fertilized. I had a total of 3 eggs now. My mom was there to cheer me up. Again, I just needed 1 good egg, but God was gracious enough to give me 3 fertilized eggs, and that was enough. :)

2 days after the ovum pickup, I called the IVF lab and was told that I had to come in the following day for my embryo transfer. They were doing a 3 day transfer, which meant that the quality of the embryos were not very good. I came in at 10am the following day for my embryo transfer. They explained to me that my embryos were a little out of sync in terms of their growth and that 2 embryos divided very early and the other one had about 50% fragmentation while the other ones had 40%. 2 were Grade 5 and 1 was Grade 6 so they were transferring all 3 embryos. I asked Dr. Lee if there was still a possibility of pregnancy and he assured me that although the chance of getting pregnant is decreased, it was still possible.

The next few days, I took it easy. I watched TV all day and just walked out of the apartment to eat or buy food. The wait was nerve-wracking. I was leaving Taipei on November 27, and was asked to drop by Mackay to get a letter that Dr. Lee has prepared for my doctor in Manila before my flight. I was going to do my HCG test in Manila on November 30. I was tempted to buy a home pregnancy test before November 30 but I knew that God wanted me to wait. So wait, I did.

My second attempt

Haven't been able to update this blog for a while but I'd like to share that I'm back in Taipei and I'm officially scheduled for Ovum Pickup this coming Sunday. This particular cycle wasn't exactly a smooth ride. I hit a few bumps on the road, just like my first IVF attempt. This time though, it seems that things are looking up.:)

I was on the Lupron agonist protocol this time around, which meant I started doing my Lupron injections on myself since Day 18 or the previous cycle. I had my last injection today, which was my 29th self injection of Lupron. Yes, 29th! Isn't that crazy? Not to mention I had to have 2 other injections for this IVF cycle, which were Menopur and Puregon. 3 injections everyday for 14 days now. I leave it up to your imagination as to how my tummy currently looks like after all those injections. :))

Doing my trigger shot tonight and I'm quite nervous about Sunday. Hopefully, by God's grace, everything will be ok. :)

IVF COST

The table below shows the cost we incurred during our stay. This doesn't include food and transportation. Since we didn't actually go through with the IVF, this is only until Day 17 of my last menstrual period. Please take note also that I was under Protocol 4 and only had 1 dose of Pergoveris a day.

Mackay Memorial Hospital

It's not exactly a new hospital. I remember the first time I walked in. There was just sooo many people walking around. Memories of 3-hour wait for my OB Gyne back in Manila flashed back before me. Surprisingly, everything really is efficient inside Mackay. In almost all the procedures that you need to be done, you just simply take a number and wait for your number to be called. This was the case for my daily injections. I was also pleasantly surprised that the doctors, including Dr. Lee, are always on time and start seeing their patients right away. Not that I hate doctors in Manila. And I don't want to generalize, but most of them are late all the time.

Back to injections. I had first asked Lisa, one of the staff under Dr. Lee, if I could just do the injections myself. She told me that it would be better if I had my injections done in the hospital daily. This wasn't a problem. When having your injection done, just look for the Injection Room by following the blue line on the floor from the lobby. It will take you directly to the Injection Room. Once you're there, just get a number, wait for your turn, present your passport, injection slip and meds and that's it. Don't forget to bring some ice with you for your medicine. Don't worry, they usually give you some ice the first time you get your medicine. I just kept the bag and froze it so I could reuse. You could ask for it if they don't automatically give you some. :)

I noticed that there's a lot more people getting injections in the morning than in the afternoon. On Sundays, you have to get your injections done at the Emergency Room. Just go inside the emergency room, walk a few steps and you'll notice there's a room to your right with a sign that says 'Adult Treatment Area.' Just hand your injection slip, passport and medicine to the nurse and they will know what to do. 

My daily injection

Injection room

As for ultrasounds, I've noticed that this was the thing that I had to have patience for the most. The ultrasound room is located on the second floor, the same area where Dr. Lee's office is located. Just go straight from the escalator and it's the last door to your right. There's no machine for numbers at the ultrasound room so you need to knock softly, open the door and hand your ultrasound slip and the form from Dr. Lee. They'll stamp your ultrasound slip with a number and also give you a piece of paper with that number, and ask you to wait outside for your turn. I usually have to wait 30 minutes to an hour before my number is called but the nice thing about this is that they will write down your follicle sizes on the form and give it to you in a couple of minutes. No need to wait an hour just to get your ultrasound result. 

Ultrasound room

For E2 blood tests, you need to go to the Nuclear Medicine room on the 4th floor. Same building as Dr. Lee's office. You may take the elevator and it's right by the elevator, if I'm not mistaken. Dr. Lee would usually ask his patients to take the E2 blood test before 8:30am. Since it opens at 8am, you only have 30 minutes to take the test. We usually have our breakfast at Starbucks near the hospital before doing the blood test, just to make sure that we don't come in late for it. Unfortunately, I forgot to take pictures of the Nuclear Medicine room. 

Those are pretty much the rooms that I had to familiarize myself while I was in Taipei. Of course, since our IVF was cancelled, I didn't get to see the delivery room and I didn't get to spend a lot of time in the IVF room. Annie will tour you around on your first day and you can always give her a call for any questions. I found that she answers her phone within the first or second ring, and she's super helpful.