4 days ago, I randomly took a home pregnancy test and was in shock to find a second faint line. I saw my gynecologist the next day and we did a Serum Beta HCG test and the result was 50. We had stopped trying so we were surprised that we could get pregnant naturally. It could really happen! My doctor asked that I take another Beta HCG test 2 days later. 50 was supposed to double and become at least 100 for it to be considered a possible viable pregnancy.
I got my result today and it went down to 25. My doctor says it's a chemical pregnancy.
This is one of the times when I try hard not to ask 'why?' But I keep on trusting God and His plans for us to become parents someday. It might not happen right this moment but I trust in His perfect timing and believe that though I may not understand why this is happening to me now, I will someday.
Saturday, January 16, 2016
Monday, December 29, 2014
Acceptance and letting go
I had a D&C done 2 days before Christmas. It would be the first Christmas eve I would have to spend in the hospital since my doctor requires me to stay overnight. It would be my very first time to be admitted for a night. But it had to be done.
My cervix was still closed despite taking primrose oil for 5 nights. They gave me spinal anesthesia and I was awake and shivering the entire time. And it was finally done. I was no longer pregnant. My doctor showed me a photo of the specimen and told me that it wasn't a molar pregnancy after all. It was an anembryonic pregnancy or blighted ovum. I was relieved. That meant that we could try again in a couple of months. We didn't have to wait an entire year.
I expected that I would break down after the procedure but I didn't. I'm lucky I have such a supportive husband. He really is my rock. I remember the night we found out about the nonviable pregnancy. We were walking in the hospital's parking lot and I just burst into tears. I couldn't hold it any longer. My husband was there to pick me up and tell me that everything was going to be alright. Perhaps the reason why I didn't cry so much after the procedure was I knew that because everything was going to be okay.
Life hasn't exactly gone back to normal for me. I can't go back to work just yet because I have a traditional Chinese mother-in-law and she wants me to undergo po ge lai or zuo yue zi although I've had a miscarriage. She says this is for my own health. So there. I have mixed feelings about IVF after everything I have gone through. But who knows? My goal for 2015 is to be a lot more healthier, lose some weight, produce better quality eggs and hopefully become pregnant again. :)
My cervix was still closed despite taking primrose oil for 5 nights. They gave me spinal anesthesia and I was awake and shivering the entire time. And it was finally done. I was no longer pregnant. My doctor showed me a photo of the specimen and told me that it wasn't a molar pregnancy after all. It was an anembryonic pregnancy or blighted ovum. I was relieved. That meant that we could try again in a couple of months. We didn't have to wait an entire year.
I expected that I would break down after the procedure but I didn't. I'm lucky I have such a supportive husband. He really is my rock. I remember the night we found out about the nonviable pregnancy. We were walking in the hospital's parking lot and I just burst into tears. I couldn't hold it any longer. My husband was there to pick me up and tell me that everything was going to be alright. Perhaps the reason why I didn't cry so much after the procedure was I knew that because everything was going to be okay.
Life hasn't exactly gone back to normal for me. I can't go back to work just yet because I have a traditional Chinese mother-in-law and she wants me to undergo po ge lai or zuo yue zi although I've had a miscarriage. She says this is for my own health. So there. I have mixed feelings about IVF after everything I have gone through. But who knows? My goal for 2015 is to be a lot more healthier, lose some weight, produce better quality eggs and hopefully become pregnant again. :)
Sunday, December 21, 2014
Things happen for a reason
3 days ago, I found out that my pregnancy was non-viable. I saw my doctor and she referred me to get another ultrasound. Since I had most of the symptoms that a pregnant woman usually has, she wasn't worried that something was wrong.
I got my ultrasound and I already knew something was wrong when I saw the look on the doctor's face. She called her superior and they were saying a lot of medical jargon I couldn't really understand. They called my husband in and told us that they couldn't find a yolk sac anymore and there was no embryo. Furthermore, they also saw cobweb-like echoes, which they are suspecting to be the beginnings of a molar pregnancy. At this point, I was trying my best to hold my tears back.
Molar pregnancy? I absolutely had no clue what that was. I called my OB-GYN and she immediately came to check on my ultrasound. She went out and explained to me that she suspects a molar pregnancy as well and she told me that the sac would have to be evacuated right away. It took some time for me to digest this information. We thought we would be having a baby but I just had my heart broken in such a way that I've never experienced before. She gave me a brief background as to what a molar pregnancy was and told me that after the D&C, we would need to wait a year before we try to conceive again as the chances of having another molar pregnancy would be quite high for me. That's when I broke down in tears. I started my TTC journey when I was about 27. I didn't think it would take such a long time before I would get pregnant. And now, we had to wait another year to try again. I would be 33 next year. My doctor comforted me and said it's still wasn't too late.
The past few months literally have been a rollercoaster of emotions for me. I went from happy to disappointed, then happy and now I'm truly devastated. Although I haven't completely accepted the fact that we will have one miscarriage after my D&C, I know that this happened because God only wants the best for me. And that He has a plan for me. I may not understand it now, but I'm constantly praying that one day, I will.
I got my ultrasound and I already knew something was wrong when I saw the look on the doctor's face. She called her superior and they were saying a lot of medical jargon I couldn't really understand. They called my husband in and told us that they couldn't find a yolk sac anymore and there was no embryo. Furthermore, they also saw cobweb-like echoes, which they are suspecting to be the beginnings of a molar pregnancy. At this point, I was trying my best to hold my tears back.
Molar pregnancy? I absolutely had no clue what that was. I called my OB-GYN and she immediately came to check on my ultrasound. She went out and explained to me that she suspects a molar pregnancy as well and she told me that the sac would have to be evacuated right away. It took some time for me to digest this information. We thought we would be having a baby but I just had my heart broken in such a way that I've never experienced before. She gave me a brief background as to what a molar pregnancy was and told me that after the D&C, we would need to wait a year before we try to conceive again as the chances of having another molar pregnancy would be quite high for me. That's when I broke down in tears. I started my TTC journey when I was about 27. I didn't think it would take such a long time before I would get pregnant. And now, we had to wait another year to try again. I would be 33 next year. My doctor comforted me and said it's still wasn't too late.
The past few months literally have been a rollercoaster of emotions for me. I went from happy to disappointed, then happy and now I'm truly devastated. Although I haven't completely accepted the fact that we will have one miscarriage after my D&C, I know that this happened because God only wants the best for me. And that He has a plan for me. I may not understand it now, but I'm constantly praying that one day, I will.
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
The first photo
I was supposed to have my ultrasound done last Monday, December 8 but because of the typhoon/tropical storm in the country, I decided to postpone it to December 10.
I've always thought that once I got a positive pregnancy test, everything else will be easy and that the baby will surely come along. But there I was outside the Women's Health Center, nervously waiting for my name to be called for my ultrasound. I've gotten so far only to fail but then, there it was. The very first image of our soon-to-be baby. And everything in the world was alright again. :)
I think I'm about 5 weeks and 5 days so as expected, no heartbeat yet and no fetal pole. We were only able to see the gestational sac and the yolk sac, which was what my doctor expected. We will do another ultrasound in 10 days. We hope to see a heartbeat then. :)
All I can say is God is good. :)
I've always thought that once I got a positive pregnancy test, everything else will be easy and that the baby will surely come along. But there I was outside the Women's Health Center, nervously waiting for my name to be called for my ultrasound. I've gotten so far only to fail but then, there it was. The very first image of our soon-to-be baby. And everything in the world was alright again. :)
I think I'm about 5 weeks and 5 days so as expected, no heartbeat yet and no fetal pole. We were only able to see the gestational sac and the yolk sac, which was what my doctor expected. We will do another ultrasound in 10 days. We hope to see a heartbeat then. :)
All I can say is God is good. :)
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
My Beta HCG Result
I went to the hospital early in the morning and had my blood drawn. My appointment with my doctor was going to be the day after my blood test since it was on a Sunday. I was nervous but very hopeful. I was waiting expectantly. That was the message at church 2 Sundays ago. To walk by faith and wait expectantly.
That afternoon, I was able to check the result online and guess what? I'm pregnant! My Beta HCG turned out to be 125.30 mIU/mL. I cried because this was what I had been praying for. I told my husband and we both cried! We have been waiting for 5 years for this to happen. I was overcome with joy and gratefulness. Lord, you are so, so good. I know I did it the other way around but it was going to be the first time for me to see 2 lines on a home pregnancy test.
Had my second Beta HCG test today and it was at 460.50 mIU/mL. I have a long way to go and I'm getting my first ultrasound next week. Praying that my little apple seed is sleeping safely in my uterus. :)
That afternoon, I was able to check the result online and guess what? I'm pregnant! My Beta HCG turned out to be 125.30 mIU/mL. I cried because this was what I had been praying for. I told my husband and we both cried! We have been waiting for 5 years for this to happen. I was overcome with joy and gratefulness. Lord, you are so, so good. I know I did it the other way around but it was going to be the first time for me to see 2 lines on a home pregnancy test.
Had my second Beta HCG test today and it was at 460.50 mIU/mL. I have a long way to go and I'm getting my first ultrasound next week. Praying that my little apple seed is sleeping safely in my uterus. :)
Sunday, November 30, 2014
My eggs and some detours
I haven't updated my blog in a while because admittedly, I was a little reluctant to share my progress in my IVF journey. It hasn't been an easy ride, after all. And I was terrified of failing again. Ok, let me start from my ovum pickup.
Before the ovum pickup, I was thinking that there would be around 4 mature eggs that could make it. I know, that's not much, but I thought to myself that it only takes 1 good egg to make a baby. I thought the ovum pickup would be scary. As I lay on the bed in the OR, I remember calming myself down, and just trying to relax. I didn't even realize that I had passed out already. I woke up in the recovery room around 2 hours later. They let my aunt and mom in and let me change into my clothes. I went to the IVF room on the 6th floor after and asked how many eggs were retrieved. They told me that Dr. Lee was able to retrieve 8 eggs, but that only 1 was mature. My heart sank. 1 mature egg. I tried to be optimistic but it was hard.
The following day, I called the IVF lab to check on the eggs and how many had been fertilized. I was told that there were 2 more eggs that were fertilized. I had a total of 3 eggs now. My mom was there to cheer me up. Again, I just needed 1 good egg, but God was gracious enough to give me 3 fertilized eggs, and that was enough. :)
2 days after the ovum pickup, I called the IVF lab and was told that I had to come in the following day for my embryo transfer. They were doing a 3 day transfer, which meant that the quality of the embryos were not very good. I came in at 10am the following day for my embryo transfer. They explained to me that my embryos were a little out of sync in terms of their growth and that 2 embryos divided very early and the other one had about 50% fragmentation while the other ones had 40%. 2 were Grade 5 and 1 was Grade 6 so they were transferring all 3 embryos. I asked Dr. Lee if there was still a possibility of pregnancy and he assured me that although the chance of getting pregnant is decreased, it was still possible.
The next few days, I took it easy. I watched TV all day and just walked out of the apartment to eat or buy food. The wait was nerve-wracking. I was leaving Taipei on November 27, and was asked to drop by Mackay to get a letter that Dr. Lee has prepared for my doctor in Manila before my flight. I was going to do my HCG test in Manila on November 30. I was tempted to buy a home pregnancy test before November 30 but I knew that God wanted me to wait. So wait, I did.
Before the ovum pickup, I was thinking that there would be around 4 mature eggs that could make it. I know, that's not much, but I thought to myself that it only takes 1 good egg to make a baby. I thought the ovum pickup would be scary. As I lay on the bed in the OR, I remember calming myself down, and just trying to relax. I didn't even realize that I had passed out already. I woke up in the recovery room around 2 hours later. They let my aunt and mom in and let me change into my clothes. I went to the IVF room on the 6th floor after and asked how many eggs were retrieved. They told me that Dr. Lee was able to retrieve 8 eggs, but that only 1 was mature. My heart sank. 1 mature egg. I tried to be optimistic but it was hard.
The following day, I called the IVF lab to check on the eggs and how many had been fertilized. I was told that there were 2 more eggs that were fertilized. I had a total of 3 eggs now. My mom was there to cheer me up. Again, I just needed 1 good egg, but God was gracious enough to give me 3 fertilized eggs, and that was enough. :)
2 days after the ovum pickup, I called the IVF lab and was told that I had to come in the following day for my embryo transfer. They were doing a 3 day transfer, which meant that the quality of the embryos were not very good. I came in at 10am the following day for my embryo transfer. They explained to me that my embryos were a little out of sync in terms of their growth and that 2 embryos divided very early and the other one had about 50% fragmentation while the other ones had 40%. 2 were Grade 5 and 1 was Grade 6 so they were transferring all 3 embryos. I asked Dr. Lee if there was still a possibility of pregnancy and he assured me that although the chance of getting pregnant is decreased, it was still possible.
The next few days, I took it easy. I watched TV all day and just walked out of the apartment to eat or buy food. The wait was nerve-wracking. I was leaving Taipei on November 27, and was asked to drop by Mackay to get a letter that Dr. Lee has prepared for my doctor in Manila before my flight. I was going to do my HCG test in Manila on November 30. I was tempted to buy a home pregnancy test before November 30 but I knew that God wanted me to wait. So wait, I did.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
My second attempt
Haven't been able to update this blog for a while but I'd like to share that I'm back in Taipei and I'm officially scheduled for Ovum Pickup this coming Sunday. This particular cycle wasn't exactly a smooth ride. I hit a few bumps on the road, just like my first IVF attempt. This time though, it seems that things are looking up.:)
I was on the Lupron agonist protocol this time around, which meant I started doing my Lupron injections on myself since Day 18 or the previous cycle. I had my last injection today, which was my 29th self injection of Lupron. Yes, 29th! Isn't that crazy? Not to mention I had to have 2 other injections for this IVF cycle, which were Menopur and Puregon. 3 injections everyday for 14 days now. I leave it up to your imagination as to how my tummy currently looks like after all those injections. :))
Doing my trigger shot tonight and I'm quite nervous about Sunday. Hopefully, by God's grace, everything will be ok. :)
I was on the Lupron agonist protocol this time around, which meant I started doing my Lupron injections on myself since Day 18 or the previous cycle. I had my last injection today, which was my 29th self injection of Lupron. Yes, 29th! Isn't that crazy? Not to mention I had to have 2 other injections for this IVF cycle, which were Menopur and Puregon. 3 injections everyday for 14 days now. I leave it up to your imagination as to how my tummy currently looks like after all those injections. :))
Doing my trigger shot tonight and I'm quite nervous about Sunday. Hopefully, by God's grace, everything will be ok. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)