Acceptance and letting go

I had a D&C done 2 days before Christmas. It would be the first Christmas eve I would have to spend in the hospital since my doctor requires me to stay overnight. It would be my very first time to be admitted for a night. But it had to be done.

My cervix was still closed despite taking primrose oil for 5 nights. They gave me spinal anesthesia and I was awake and shivering the entire time. And it was finally done. I was no longer pregnant. My doctor showed me a photo of the specimen and told me that it wasn't a molar pregnancy after all. It was an anembryonic pregnancy or blighted ovum. I was relieved. That meant that we could try again in a couple of months. We didn't have to wait an entire year.

I expected that I would break down after the procedure but I didn't. I'm lucky I have such a supportive husband. He really is my rock. I remember the night we found out about the nonviable pregnancy. We were walking in the hospital's parking lot and I just burst into tears. I couldn't hold it any longer. My husband was there to pick me up and tell me that everything was going to be alright. Perhaps the reason why I didn't cry so much after the procedure was I knew that because everything was going to be okay.

Life hasn't exactly gone back to normal for me. I can't go back to work just yet because I have a traditional Chinese mother-in-law and she wants me to undergo po ge lai or zuo yue zi although I've had a miscarriage. She says this is for my own health. So there. I have mixed feelings about IVF after everything I have gone through. But who knows? My goal for 2015 is to be a lot more healthier, lose some weight, produce better quality eggs and hopefully become pregnant again. :)